From One White Person to Another

Hey white people, it's me, ya girl. A fellow white person here. Can we talk? I understand you think it is abrasive and alienating to address you specifically, but I come in peace, and honestly, we really gotta talk.

I know it's hard to hear that you're racist. You can clutch your chest and gasp in shock as many times as you need to get through it. I'll wait. . . . Are you good? Look. There are things every white person does or has done that is racist, but trust me, the sooner you realize what your racist behaviors are, the better off you'll be.

First of all, the kind of racism I'm addressing here isn't the overt out-loud racism. If you're actively and outwardly racist with no qualms or shame, I think it's hard to save you. If you use the "N" word, tell people to "go back to their countries," or just flat out dislike a whole group of people based on their race or ethnicity, you are difficult to get through, and while I think you're gross and should always be called out, mostly I don't have time for you. I do not like you, and I will never be on your side.

The racism to which I am referring is the subtle stuff. The kind of thing many white people are guilty of doing. The "I don't care" attitude when something despicable is happening, but just not to them. The "but Ariel was white" type of reactions when a fantasy character is cast with a black actor. The "I don't see color" or "I'm not racist, but" crowd.

You very well might not see yourself as racist, or you might not act with active aggression, but it's there regardless of what your intention is. If you truly don't want to be racist, or have someone call you racist, you have to listen to what people say to you when they are calling you racist. We rise from ignorance when we listen to others. I remember arguing with black women in my senior English class about ending racism if they just had a better outlook. They argued that racism would never end, and I went with a solid awful comeback of "not if you approach it with that attitude." However, you see, racism is a white people problem, and because I saw it as a mutual problem, I assumed their attitude toward the whole issue was wrong. My response definitely proved them correct. It's because of white people assuming black people (or other people of color) have to meet them halfway that these women didn't think that racism would end. White people are the ones to stop racism. People of color shouldn't have to prove they are worthy of your respect or your understanding. I listened. We argued for nearly the whole class, and maybe it took some time, but I eventually understood I was wrong. I'm the one who needed to approach it with a different attitude. It helped me grow, and now I definitely do. I was never intentionally racist, and I tried to argue that my heart is in the right place, but my ignorance clouded where my heart was coming from. So listen.

So maybe you don't think you're being racist when you say things like "but Ariel is white," because, well, the cartoon version of her 25 years ago was. This is where you take a moment and listen to the people praising the casting choice. Listen to what it means for little girls or boys to see themselves represented. Listen to the story. White people managed to have the majority of Disney princesses this whole time, and guess what? Little kids of all different races and backgrounds still managed to grow up loving them. There are many children around the whole globe whose favorite Disney character is Ariel. Having said that, first, I think white people will still understand the story. I assume it will be just as fun and inspiring. Second, Ariel is a mermaid, and guess what mermaids are not? Real. Guess what are real? Black people. No part of Ariel's storyline is ever connected to a culture or a racial background so it makes sense that a mermaid, again something that isn't real, could look like literally anybody, or anything for that matter.

But mermaid outrage is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to listening to those around you share their experiences. Say you make a stereotypical remark about a group of people, and someone from this group tells you that what you said was racist and/or offensive. The number one thing you have to remember is that you do not get to decide they are wrong or overreacting. How they feel about what you said is valid. You don't get to hurt someone and blame them. You are not them. If you are white, you have never experienced what you just did to them. You don't get to tell them they are wrong. Period.

Here's a proper response to being called racist:
 I am sorry. I didn't realize what I said was so racist. It was certainly not my intention to ever be so gross. Thank you for calling me out on my ignorance, because I do not ever want to make someone uncomfortable like that again. You do not have to explain yourself. This is my issue, and I will think about what I said and do better to understand the behavior I exhibit that causes me to not think about how my words or actions could've affected you.
Okay, so that's long-winded. Another proper response could just be this:
You're right.
Yet another good response is just shutting your mouth and listening to what someone is saying.

If you don't want to ever have to address being called racist at all, might I suggest thinking about the things you say before you say them. Maybe do some research. Read a few books. A good one is Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Reni Endo-Lodge. Also White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo. There are plenty out there. Read a few essays online. Talk to people of color more. If you're a boss, employ more people of color and listen to them when they speak. Don't talk over them. Don't silence them. I promise you, this will help.

It should go without saying that "I don't see color" is a stupid thing to say, but even here in 2019, we have to address it. See color. See race. I recognize you are trying to say that we are all one human race, and we all matter, but what you're really saying is "I don't understand anything about your life and how different it is than mine, so I will promptly ignore all the hurdles you had to jump and how you had to work twice as hard as I did to get to the same spot. I will not acknowledge that you have a vastly different outlook on life than I do, so every time you don't see things the way I do, I will tell you that you're wrong." Basically.

You absolutely have to care about issues that do not affect you. Don't ignore something just because you can easily turn away from it. Desmond Tutu said it best, "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor." If you allow racism from your friends, your family, your president, you have now cast a racist label onto yourself. If you do not speak up, stand up, fight for other people, you are part of the problem. If you excuse away racist behavior in others as jokes or harmless statements, you are racist. If you witness someone with power demean, degrade, or harm people who look differently than you do, and you still support that person, you're just as bad as that person. Amplify the voices of the people that white people aren't listening to. Don't talk for them. Silence others so people of color can be heard. Don't tell their stories for them.

White people, seriously though, you need to stop being more offended by being called racist than you are by the actual racism. You can change your racism. You can learn and grow out of your own ignorance. People of color cannot change their history or their skin. They cannot change everything they've experienced because of ignorance, hatred, and white people unwilling to use all that privilege to learn absolutely anything about them. If your first response to someone calling your behavior racist is anger toward them and not anger toward yourself, you lack the compassion for others to understand their pain, their stories, their fears, and the dangers you put them in by perpetuating certain stereotypes or ideas surrounding their very existence. Think before you speak, listen when you mess up, and don't tell people their reactions aren't real. The quickest way for you to not be called racist, is to not be racist.

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